He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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