then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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