If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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