yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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