i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have tasted many bathrooms
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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