when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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