I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
