i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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