remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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