Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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