No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
