New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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