i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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