I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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