All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
