Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
