I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Drunk is not a location!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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