So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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