He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
