Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
