I will die if light touches me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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