Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize