i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
