Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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