I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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