I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
