I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
