You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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