why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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