Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
