My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
