I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sext me about skeletons
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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