fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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