She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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