Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
