it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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