His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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