Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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