dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
