I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
