Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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