Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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