This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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