I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
