maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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