Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I booty called her while she was in labor.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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