The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
