Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
