I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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