why didn't you poke me back
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
