Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
