I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
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Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I love you. Go after that dick
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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