I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize