My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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