just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
