I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
