Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
