i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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