Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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