i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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