We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
