I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
