I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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