I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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