Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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