I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
