I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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